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T H E M E D I C I N E M O M E N T
by Wahkeena Sitka Tidepool Ripple :: 2007
When we've reached a state of torment so seemingly inextricable, so overwhelming, we decide it's time to focus on healing. It's a common situation I see in so many people; myself, dear friends and clients that I've worked with. We don't come to a state of focused healing until it's reached the boiling point of unacceptability; the state of misery focuses our intention and attention to the other possibilities for a reality that are other than our present experience. Ultimately, our soul will always strive for happiness, above all other things. We all want happiness and a peaceful, suffering-less existence. It is encoded into our mental makeup; suffering is not what any of us want to be seemingly hopelessly immersed in.
This morning still in that between realities state, I awoke remembering my own crisis moments; the moments of such intense emotional anguish that forced me to no longer live in the denial that I carried these unconscious emotional forces within me. For myself, the most crucial, heart-splitting unconscious element that was driving my life and my choices was that ultimately I believed that I deeply hated myself and that I wanted a doorway out of life. I believe that we eventually come to a point of recognition that all our unconscious emotional problems arise from the question: "Do I love and accept myself?" This is a crucial, central axis upon which our very soul is leveraged. If we truly do love and accept ourselves, we are able to be be very centered and do very nurturing and loving things for ourselves and those around us ~ thus we become very powerful. If we truly hate ourselves, we are driven to misery, or are driven to numb ourselves with substances from the emotional toxicity within ourselves ~ or worse, give our power away.
It is possible to live in denial of ones own unconscious problems and believe that one is in fact happy, when one is in actuality not truly happy and is still struggling with emotional instability. I spent years thinking that I was "okay" when deep down inside, I still bore the heart-splitting seed of self-hatred. The self-hatred wound, which was buried deep into my subconscious being, would only surface on special occasions and then I would become an emotional wreck, a nightmare to myself and those around me. I would claw at the fabric of reality and spend afternoons on top of bridges imagining what would happen should I toss myself over. And indeed, had I not been immersed in amazing, illuminating, and transcendentally beautiful experiences while still containing that self hatred seed, I would have thrown myself over that bridge. But I also carried the seed of love, and it was much stronger. Because truly, in the heart of myself, I do love life. Life is an amazing gift to be surrounded with loved ones, a sisterhood, a beautiful community, and the endless expansive journey of exploring this amazing planet we live on.
But it's nearly impossible to recognize the vibrancy of the universal life force energy that we are immersed in, when we are struggling with emotional instability and are crumbling at the seams of our soul. It takes so much work and dedication to focus on healing oneself from within the crucible of ones own spirit. It becomes ones life's work, it transcends the needs to have a job, make money, pay rent, and focus on materialistic things. If one cannot even make it through a day without splintering into a million emotional icicles, one cannot focus on the materialistic task at hand.
We become stronger by our journey; we become galvanized by our need, driven to heal. It forces us to embark on a deeper reality than we experienced "before" we nosedived into our own torment. We weren't living a "better" life before we went through the seemingly inextricable misery and torment, we just weren't paying any attention to the real emotional hurricane heading towards the shoreline of our surface level consciousness. Like natural disaster victims, we can often feel irreparably destroyed by these emotional explosions of our unconscious selves. But I have discovered in my own experiences, that every seemingly frustration inducing incident, most every nightmare experience when looked at from the rearview mirror is actually a medicine moment. A moment where the fabric of reality itself was looking me dead in the eye and showing me its presence, allowing me to witness its unifying spiritual power, to show me that sometimes miracles do come disguised in anger.
For myself, I have found no better medicine for the body, mind and soul than Ayahuasca, the famous Amazonian Shamanic psychedelic brew made from a variety of plants stewed together. The crucible of deep journey work puts one deeply in touch with many layers of reality simultaneously; all the layers of the mind and the unconscious self, the layers of angels and demons, the layers of the earth vibration, the layer of the creator of reality itself. There is no master healer higher than that which created all time & space reality, that which created the planet we live on, every plant, every molecule of water. When we work one-on-one with the source: oneness, we are able to learn and grow in nearly miraculous ways. For myself, doing ayahuasca journies in the Amazon was not only a lifelong dream come true, but was a transformative healing journey that showed me that I have purged that seed of self-hatred, and have come to a union of wholeness within myself, a state of loving and accepting myself at the crucial core within my heart. No longer feeling split and fragmented, scattered and obsessive, I have become much more grounded, centered and feeling clearer on a daily basis ever since. My emotions have become more centered, and since then I have developed a stronger willpower to develop the discipline I need in my life to make the daily choices that will empower me to elevate myself into further healing myself on a cellular level.
We don't embark upon the path of enlightenment for self-glorification, or to elevate ourselves above others. There is no truth in that. We embark upon the path of enlightenment because we must, otherwise we will forever be tormented. We embark upon the journey of enlightenment so that we can heal ourselves wholly, so that we can share that healing with others. How can any being heal another if they have not done the work within themselves to transform their essential nature on a core level into a state of wholeness? We must humble ourselves deeply to heal because the highest healing comes from the divine, comes straight from the source of reality, from the creatrix of time & space. When we are tapped in, we are in deep meditation, we are blissed out in the extreme, connected to the highest state of orgasmic ecstasy possible. When we have fully aligned with our divine source, and are hemispherically balanced, we can draw upon the fountain of our own life force energy to be the teacher. Call it Kundalini, call it the Sushumna, Call it Chi Field, Call it what you will. It is the highest teacher and the highest calling. And it is real.
Don't believe that it's real? Do you want to find out if it is real? Why not embark upon the path of your own healing? Or do you want to wait until a natural disaster or an emotional volcanic explosion destroys your life and forces it to become imperative. Once you've made the decision to align with the divine, you're pretty much hooked. Because it's about becoming one with heaven. And it teaches you about your own creative power, and teaches you that your potential is unlimited.
